Trapped in My Mind

My mind has me in it's clutches, bound and gagged in a dark, damp, desolate gutter. My soul is filled with a dream. My dreams are full of people I know, and have failed to keep in contact with. My heart beats to the tempo of 'Get Down' by Curtis Mayfield. I rock back and forth to the rhythm holding the bars of my cage, anxious but reluctant to find the key.




Charlie Sheen was quoted 'I have Tiger's Blood' recently, the expression brought to mind images of felines preparing to pounce. It made me feel as if I weren't 'hungry' enough to change. Strange how a spark of motivation could emerge from watching the unblinking eyes of Sheen, with the amount of pure cocaine he has recently consumed and rehabilitation and all. I want to meet him in person. I want the chance to gain perspective of the trials and tribulations of life from his standpoint, he seems infectiously certain about his direction. I learn (slowly) from watching others, their actions and decisions. I feel that shooting the breeze over some cold orange soda with him would be harmless, informative and invigorating.

A counselor told me some time ago I collect father-figures, influential acquaintances and other strange characters because of a fear of rejection; if one of these characters approve of me, then it can out-weigh the disapproval of people who actually love and care for me. At that very instant, I wanted to find someone who was easier to talk to, and didn't probe my mind as much. His piercing gaze was starting to make me feel uncomfortable, and with each passing moment I felt as if there were less and less things to say. I wanted to go into a tangent about a collective that I formed while living in Houston, how great a Father I was, and how much I had accomplished knowing no-one initially with my balls and my word as tools to survive. But as I stared into this mans unamused unenthusiastic face, I realized he was just a tool (in a good way) and the motivation would have to come from within, unadulterated.

I LOVE to play pool. I love the simple strategies involved in 8, 9 ball or one-pocket. I love the camaraderie that emerges from complete strangers during cut-throat. I'll play by myself I don't care. I love my pool hall Atomic Billiards, and all of my bartenders. I love learning from experienced players, and teaching others. I could go on, but I digress; it is my passion. I want to play as a profession, and I want to team up with my friends and own a pool hall/bar/lounge. I may get the chance one day Lord willing, the thought makes me happy and releases me from my personal prison. Maybe that needs to be my drive. Maybe that's the key that will release me...

What did we learn today? Absolutely nothing, oh except Charlie Sheen loves tang.

Today's blog was brought to you by Tony the Tiger and a movie trailer that is more of a tease than bible-bangers in the club: